When Monson announced that guys now can go on a mission when they’re 18, my first thought was DANG! How awkward it will be next year, when the greenies are all my age!!! hahah. and what if they’re hot too?! HOW CAN I SURVIVE THAT? 

I have I feeling that there will be said a lot of things that I need to hear. 

hahah it was so terrifying, like seriously - I was shaking the whole time! But apparently a lot (or … at least a handful?) of people appreciated what I had to say so that was cool! And just to make this a little cheesy - THE SPIRIT WAS THERE WITH ME THE WHOLE TIME (; could feel it and that was a to the wesome! Just felt like sharing that since I’ve kind of been struggling with that lately. 

Let me tell you something, y’all … Mormon life rocks. Haha! 

yeah ok this is so cheesy it makes me want to cry. lol

For some reason, I sometimes turn into this very deep and super cheesy person at night, and I tend to do things that are … well, they seem like good ideas at the time, but when I wake up the next morning it’s all just a blur and I don’t even want to open my eyes because I’m too scared of what I’ve done. Haha seriously! I wake up, and I’m like “man, I was up late last night, what did I do” and then I go on facebook and I’m like “oh. my. gosh. kill me now.” because apparently someone I miss and haven’t seen in a while or an old friend received a book in his/her inbox that mostly goes something like; “you are all the colors of the wind - you paint the world with your love” and stuff and I just end up sitting there like oh okay today would be a good day to jump in front of a train …

OR, this morning, I just woke up like “hm what a nice mo- WHAT HAVE I DONE” and then I checked my phone …. And it turns out that I at 4am decided to text a missionary … and apologize … for wanting to talk to him about something … and told him to call me asap when he saw the text … even though I was asleep … So, he wakes up at 6.30, now it’s 11.08 - still no text or call. You have no idea how awkward it is. I actually need to talk to him about something though, but I didn’t have to TEXT HIM in a middle of the night and freaking apologize gosh I won’t be surprised if he threw his phone into a river or something, like “girl you need to CHILL” and never contact me again. 

And I do other things too … Like one morning, I woke up and my clothes (that I slept in) were all wet. And then I remembered … that I had been out dancing in the freaking rain. HOW CHEESY CAN YOU GET?! 

Is this a syndrome or something?! Can I kill this virus?! It feels like I’m high when I’m actually the most sober person on earth - WHAT IS THIS someone please tell me gosh it’s frustrating 

ok so clean my internet log, google “singles ward online free” instead of American Pie 1000 times, remove Chuck Bass from my desktop and replace him with either a portrait of President Monson, my favorite temple or the YW-theme written in comic sans ms

(((((((((: 

… to others; young boy/girl who dedicate two years of his/her life to preach the gospel 

… to me: texting buddy/Google/someone I can bother during sacrament meeting/therapist

… and boy was it awkward! haha

So, my friend Linda and I have been members for almost a year now, and during that year we’ve finished a semester at institute, so today they handed out diplomas, and those who received one were expected to bear their testimony about what we’ve been going through in class as well as the gospel. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS … Linda and I haven’t really attended institute that much … We always have dinner in church before the class, so we always go to the  dinner and stay and either chat with the missionaries or go home.  So this made us feel a little like we didn’t really deserve it … And they made the whole handing out diplomas-thing a little too formal for my taste, so we had to walk up to the branch president when they called out our name, and after passing out the sacrament we had to bear our testimonies, like I said before …. Linda’s testimony was probably the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time, and filled the chapel with laughter and facepalms, haha … Even the branch presidency just sat up there like “oh. my goodness. what is this.”  

and THEN it was time to bear mine … I had absolutely no idea what to say or do and was super nervous, so Sister T (because of course we’re sitting with the missionaries, right? haha the only people that are close to our age) just bend over and rambled some scripturething in my ear, because apparently we had to mention our favorite scripture in the old testament, and eh … honestly … I haven’t read it yet and I haven’t been paying much attention in the few classes I’ve actually attended. So she was just like; “ok, proverbs 3, 5-6, talks about how you can always count on the Lord and have to trust him, and he will give you the guidance you need in life”  and then she quickly tore out a bit of a page in her missionary day planner-thing (you know, that white little book they always carry around) and wrote it down as my turn was coming up. <3 Sister T <3

And then … You know when you’re about to give a presentation or speak in front of a large audience and you’re sitting in the back row and it feels like you’re walking the green mile because everyone’s eyes are just glued to you? Yeah … 

I was pretty nervous, and Linda’s testimony was still cracking me up, so I just stood there like “uhm …. BUAHAHAHHHHAHAH sorry” and when I finally came to my senses, I was just racing through the whole thing so it turned out really short, even though it felt like I’d been standing up there forever. I don’t really remember exactly what I said, but I mentioned something about how I was feeling guilty because I hadn’t been able to attend institute as often as I should have, that my one year mark as a member was coming up and that the church means a lot to me. I also read out Sister T’s note out loud … Haha but I tend to speak with my arms and said some rather odd things now and then so I saw some giggly faces out there … haha but it was funny. 

When I dragged myself down to my bench again, Elder S turned to me and showed me his phone. Apparently that little sneak had recorded it all, and it wasn’t even longer than a minute! haha I have NO idea what he’s gonna do with it, but apparently he’d sent some texts around to some other missionaries, like Elder A who insists that Linda and I bear our testimony on the first of September … Hahah oh missionaries, they’re so weird, I love them. 

After the meeting was over, a lot of people walked up to us and claimed that we did a good job, one man even said that we were the highlights of the whole meeting! Apparently we didn’t exactly bore them to death, and we did it more “human” and not like one of those Peter Priesthood braggers, which was nice to hear, lol

the San Diego temple has to be the most beautiful thing ever built. I mean seriously … I’m going to the States next summer and I’m definitely going to drop by my cousins in San Diego before I go to Utah just to see this castle-ish thing in real life. I don’t care what my future husband says, I’m going to get married in that temple no matter what (even if he’s not LDS, he’ll just have to get baptized … hahah)  I think I’m in love with that temple I mean oh my gosh. 

Today it’s exactly one year since we first met with the missionaries, and it’s very bittersweet. I really miss that time and not to mention THEM. It’s kind of sad how time just flies by … But you know, this has been an amazing year for me, even though it sucks knowing that two of the best elders ever - my fist missionaries - are on the other side of the world and I have to wait a whole year to see them again! I mean, one of them is even married! I just really hope they have time to say hi to me when I go to Utah next summer. I know I sound obsessive, and I’m really not, I just miss them. BAH. 

365 days. That’s insane! 

Today, after signing some job papers, I decided to go to church to look for my iPod that I thought I had lost. After walking around for a couple of minutes, opening drawers and lifting pillows, I sat down in the hallway and waited for a while, since I’d rather wait there than on the bus stop. When I was about to leave, I saw an older woman standing outside. Turns out that she was too scared to go inside after her last visit, when the church’s cat guy who spends most of his days in the attic denied her access because the church was - and I quote - “for members only”.  Me, being the good hearted girl I am, told her not to worry about him and let her in. Apparently she was there for the last meeting with the sister missionaries before her baptism on sunday, and seriously, I had never seen that woman before … I’ve heard them mention an older investigator, but I thought she was just looking for something to fill her retired life with, without being too serious about it …

Anyway, the sisters weren’t there yet, and I could see that she wasn’t too comfortable with the thought of being left alone with the attic cat guy who could kick her out any second, so instead of catching my bus I decided to stay and wait with her, since I’m such a nice person and all, haha … I told her that I was very excited for her and the choice she had made and how many blessings it has given me in my life, which led to a very interesting conversation about the church, as well as the teachings and values of the gospel. Some things she said really got to me, like; “I’ve been to many churches and experienced a lot of different religious communities, but this church confirms everything I’ve always believed in. It makes perfect sense to me. This is the one church I really feel like I can go to.” 

Hearing that from her kind of gave me a little flashback to what I felt the last days before my own baptism, about the church being “the one” and stuff, and kind of made me want to go out there and introduce others to it as well, people who might need it and are just waiting for someone to walk up to them with a reason to keep trying, answers to their billion questions and something to hold on to. The woman insisted that she didn’t need it to “heal her”, unlike me, because she wasn’t emotionally torn apart, but that she just knew that “THIS is how I want to live my life.”  and it made me realize that some day, I want to be that person who walks up to someone who’ve waited for you their entire life and watch them change their life to the better. 

If that makes sense?! Oh well, it kind of does in my head, so … 

“Hello everyone. I love you all. I tried to get my driver’s licence but my husband doesn’t like the thought of me driving because he wants my family to look like winners and I’m a woman and he doesn’t like female drivers so I had to sneak around behind his back and I felt really bad because I didn’t like that and I kept doing this for two years or so and I felt like we couldn’t trust each other because trust is a very important part of a relationship right so anyway I looked at my son and he was like SERIOUSLY MOM ARE YOU DRIVING and I was like YEAH AT LEAST IM GONNA TRY HAHA but then I thought about my husband again and I realized that we had both changed so much over the last couple of years so one day I just had to walk up to him and ask like DO YOU EVEN LIKE ME ANYMORE OR DO YOU LIKE WHO YOU THINK I AM and he was like well I’m not sure so I figured it wasn’t gonna work because I was tired of sneaking around it’s not me it’s not my style and now I’m a single mom and I drive a lot but you know it’s hard raising two kids on your own and this one time I had to walk and I had to pick up my kids from this woman’s house because I wanted to bake a cake and they were like NO COME WATCH SOCCER WITH US but I didn’t want to because I think they’re a bad influence on my children so I was like NO IM BAKING A CAKE and they were like SERIOUSLY THATS BORING so yeah oh and by the way the church is true and I say this in the name of Jesus Christ amen” 

Today, May 5th, it’s exactly a year since I ran into the missionaries downtown for the billionth time and actually decided to give them my real name and number and listened to what they had to say. It might sound cheesy to you, but to me this marks the beginning of a brighter future. Yes - I’ve still been struggling with some personal issues, but having the church in my life has made it a lot easier to deal with the things I never thought I’d make it through. I don’t regret starting as an investigator and getting baptized for a second. Cappuccino sure tastes good, but I wouldn’t trade my faith for anything! I’m really happy with the choice I made! THIS is how I want to live my life. 

this might seem creepy, cheesy and weird for non-religious people out there, just sayin. 

So I’ve been struggling with some personal issues lately, and without doing anything wrong and still following the commandments, I’ve had problems feeling the spirit. I’ve prayed and read my favorite scriptures, but I have still felt empty, frustrated and depressed. Usually the gospel and all that “spiritual stuff” helps me lift the weight that I always carry around off my shoulders for a while, but the past couple of days nothing has helped, like nothing at all. I don’t even know why, which is something that really frustrates me because I know that the church is true and that I’m trying my best to be a good member and person. 

Anyways, while sitting in church today I decided to text one of the missionaries and ask him for advice, and if it meant that I was doing something wrong. He’s a really good person to talk to - he knows about every single one of my “inner demons” to use such a fancy way to put it, and every stupid little thing that I do, but he never judges me, he always has something to say and he’s just a really good person to talk to. (and since he got transferred two weeks ago I kinda have to bother him with texts, haha)  Like always what he said was really supporting - but suddenly, while texting him back, completely out of the blue I was hit by this wall of warmth and love (sounds cheesy as heck, but yeah) and it was really strong and almost overwhelming. 

This weird little experience kind of gave me hope that even in my darkest days I’ll see light, and no matter how wrecked I’m feeling I’m not going back to where I once were because I now have something to keep me going. 

What a lovely sunday-post, eh? (: Just felt like sharing it

So I might not have the answers to everything; why the grass is green, why some people are like that and others like that, why horrible diseases like cancer and aids exist and why  God created us like this and not pink, fluffy unicorns  -  but that doesn’t mean that I don’t  believe. Seriously, I hate when people go all “so why do we have to wash our hair in order to keep it clean? What is God’s intention with that? Is there a deeper meaning to it?” “uhm I don’t know, it’s just the way it is I guess”  ”SEE? You can’t even come up with a valid argument, meaning you don’t ACTUALLY believe in it” 

SHUT THE BLEEP UP AND GO BUY YOURSELF A DONUT. 

I might not know everything, but what I do know and believe in is enough to give me faith, and if it’s your life goal to try to take that away from me (which, by the way, is something you’ll never achieve with stupid questions) you seriously have to consider getting a hobby or something, punch your voodoo-doll and burn pictures of whatever keeps you from sleeping at night. 

It makes me happy so I don’t know why anything else should matter

I believe in this. You believe in that. Enough said. Deal with it. Nice weather and what’s for dinner

k thanks bye